When you get married, you make a vow ‘until death do us part’ and I’m sure you both intended to stay together forever. But what happens when things aren’t so great anymore? What if every day it seems like a chore just to get through the day without having some sort of argument with your partner? Is your marriage failing?

Your marriage may be going through a rocky time, but it’s not failing unless you let it. If you’re wondering why you ever married your spouse in the first place, there are some steps you can take to save the relationship before it’s too late.

1. What is the problem?
The first step to saving your marriage is admitting that there’s a problem. It’s not uncommon for a married couple to pretend everything is okay when it’s not – for years even – and this will only further damage the relationship. Are you arguing constantly? Do you barely talk to each other? Are you both at home as little as possible? Talk to each other about the physical evidence that something is wrong in the relationship.

2. How have you changed?
Something has changed in one or both of you if you’re not feeling like the happy love birds you once were. Change is normal and healthy but not to the extent where you can’t relate to each other anymore. If things bother you about your partner, you need to see if they have changed how they act – of if you have changed how you react to them. It might be a bit of both, and it’s not that hard to fix.

3. Try bringing back the original romance
Sometimes married couples get into a rut. They go to work, they come home, they eat a meal together in silence and they go to bed. The excitement has worn off, and they barely make time for each other. Go out on date nights together for dinner or dancing, or play some games together at home. Anything to break up the monotony and let a little fun and spontaneity back into your lives.

4. Take a break
If you have kids, this one is especially important, but it works for all couples. Get away for the weekend. Book a last minute flight to somewhere exotic, or a cabin in the woods for the weekend – anywhere you’re not familiar with, and enjoy each other’s company for a few days with no cell phones, no work deadlines, no kids if you have them. Just the two of you. It’s a great way to remember the person you fell in love with.

5. See a counselor
If you’ve tried all that, and it’s still not working, see a counselor. A lot of couples hate this idea, but a counselor is a trained professional and can often see one or several issues that you can’t see from inside the relationship. You said until death do you part, so you owe yourselves a solid try at working it out.

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